Gender identity and depression

Depression is a terrible thing, it sneaks up on you and envelopes you in its dark blanket. And it's made worse in that I for one know it's cure for me but am unable to take that particular pill.

It affects me, but I am coping, I wear my mask at work that everything is OK, I force a smile in front of my family, I face the world and tackle it head on, but inside I'm hurting.

The cure for me is my dressing, it lifts my spirit, I turn to the mirror and instead of seeing the sad,aging, grey man with the pressures of the world on his shoulders, I see a happy, younger, pretty woman smiling back at me. But sacrifices must be made, society would rather I be miserable than to make it uncomfortable with my gender identity. My wife gives me time to myself to dress up but it always feels awkward and I know it makes her unhappy, but I find myself wanting more and more, and counting the days until I next get the opportunity to dress again.

I read that 40% of transgender individuals attempt suicide, compared to 1% of the general population. Luckily I'm not in this 40%, but it's hard to shake the monkey that is gender dysphoria, time to put on my mask again.