Firstly welcome to my page, hopefully you may find this blog an insight into the world of an individual who suffers from gender identity issues with accompanying dysphoria.
It would be best to begin with me, or to best explain-both of me.
I am from the UK Midlands, I was born male..but during my childhood I discovered that I also possessed an inner female who over time has become more developed and more of a individual, who is released from captivity within my self via crossdressing, but while crossdressing is the label that best fits, this is more than just wearing womens clothing.
I live life as a 40 something male, a working Joe, I am a happily married father of one. I am heterosexual and attracted to women.I am shy, socially awkward, people perceive me to be intelligent, I am a bit of a geek. I work within a financial company where I go to work Monday to Friday in business attire. Yet under the surface bubbles another identity, my female self I have named 'Penny'.
Living with Penny is like living with emotional and forceful younger sister within your own head who fights for time and attention, she is more outgoing, she is more at ease socially, she smiles more, she wears brighter colours and is happy to show more flesh while my normal shyness causes me to always cover up, I shy away from shorts while Penny loves dresses and skirts.
When I commute to work via local transport, while going from one bus-stop to another, Penny will make me take a detour to walk past the big female clothing tours just to get a glance at the latest fashions in the window. When most men will be 'checking out' an attractive woman, Penny will be appraising the outfit and the accessory choices. She battles with me for my time, if I get time to myself Penny will stomp her feet and demand the time is spent as her. She fights with me for wardrobe space and demands that her wardrobe is bigger and more extensive, If she had her way, my own shoe collection would dwarf hers.
However the constant nagging from Penny with the pressures of life does causes me to get low, my mood drops, I cannot sleep, my ability to function as a normal human being falls by the wayside. without an opportunity to be Penny I feel like a ticking time bomb.
Like a lot of Crossdressers, you fall into the trap of thinking that marriage will change you and suppress the need, but admitting to my wife after years of marriage about Penny was the hardest thing I was able to do, and it took about five months of single and couple counselling to both of us to understand who I am, and that I am also Penny.
My wife accepts that this is a part of me, a single facet of my personality. I have had the opportunity the go out in public as Penny,I have quite literally walked a mile in a woman's shoes, and have walked through a town centre during a busy evening as a woman and attended a local crossdresser support group. This was the most exciting, and at the same time the most frightening moment of my life.
So there it is, that's me. This blog will help to you to understand me, and hopefully a way for me to understand myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment